Now and Then

Number 33 on Limes Walk is a safe, native soil site. Every time I view this site it puts a burning sensation in the middle of my chest. The mouth-watering smell of food which nourishes your body. The cheesy tubular pasta which was freshly baked as the food made its way out the oven after that I went up the stairs wanting to go to sleep.  As I was drafting of to sleep in my bed I could hear the clash of glass that was slightly keeping me awake.

Waking up to the sound of the birds tweeting not knowing that it is early morning thinking that it is later on in the morning. As the sun was rising, it reflected though the blind and into my eye. Glancing outside the window to see something catch my attention, the red vibrant dahlia with the butterflies hovering around the petals, meanwhile I can hear young enthusiastic humans playing gently with objects, having fun and joking around, as I ask them politely if I could join them and they laughed with laughter and they replied of course you can whilst they were electrified by me joining them as I always add a positive effect to the game.They were playing connect 4 as you know you can only play with two players because I joined them they switched up the game so that I could join but they asked what game could we play with 3 players or more, all three of us stared at a monopoly. As soon as we start the game our bellies started to rumble and we was discussing when would our breakfast be ready.

I heard someone giving us a shout suddenly we stood up, upset because we was so hungry. As we traveled down the stairs I smelt bacon and eggs and saw the pancakes oozing with butter, hot maple syrup poured over the pancakes.

 

 

 

Number 10 on Barset Road is an unwelcoming site. Walking along the pathway looking around my surrounding glancing at the household I’m moving into. Stepping into the building,didn’t feel like home because of the feelings I’m feeling.

Waking up to a sudden shock hearing cats screeching , that made me dive out the bed to find out what is happening. As the thunder-storm stroke down with rain and hail stones, it came down rapidly hitting the window quite hard, I suddenly hear the window pounding. Another noise is coming in another direction, glancing outside the window to see something catching my attention, the overgrown grass and cobwebs also an antique shed which was half-broken. I can hear a sound, it sounds like young enthusiastic humans playing rough with objects, I think they are having fun and joking around, as I ask them politely if I could join them and they laughed at me and said I was too big for the game. So I just walked away to my bedroom in tears I thought I might flood my room with the amount of tears that dropped out my eyes. As soon as I jumped into bed my belly started to rumbling so then I went all the way down stairs and when I finally got down the stairs there was no smell of  bacon sizzling, eggs being fried,  and never saw pancakes oozing with butter, hot maple syrup poured over pancakes which was my normal breakfast every Saturday. I expected it to be all ready for me to eat I was so hungry I thought I was going to die of hunger. So I made my self some breakfast, the semi skimmed milk and a bowl of organic shredded wheat

 

3 Comments

  1. This is a great start. Try to avoid telling us what to think, like “The sort of humans at this household are exceptional” – show us how they’re exceptional.

    I loved the alliteration in ‘safe native soil site’

    Describe the food smells. Take your time doing so. name colours and sounds to go with it.

    I look forward to reading more.

    CW

  2. This is shaping up to be a very nice piece of writing. The content is great: vivid and original. What it needs now is some aggressive editing:

    1) There are parts where the sentences don’t make clear sense. I think this is likely to be a sentence structure issue, and a first step to solving this is to read your work aloud, as it’s written on the page, and see if you notice the inconsistencies.

    2) Spelling and punctuation. Start sentences with capital letters. Use the spell-checker on WordPress. Make sure you’re using the full stops you should, where you should. Consider breaking your two paragraphs into four.

    Let me know if you need assistance resolving the mechanical issues. These will lift this promising piece of work to the next level.

  3. 32/40 [B2] – you’ve worked hard on this.

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